i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
