if you like me you must not know who I am
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
