Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize