why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
