Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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