we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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