she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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