I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
