I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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