another moral hangover. fuck.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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