Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
