Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
