I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
