Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
