put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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