Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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