Umm I'm too high to move.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my being single is dangerous.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
