I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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