hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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