If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
