Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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