I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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