the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
