maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
