I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
