Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
