he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
