Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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