Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize