If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
