Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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