I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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