dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
