don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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