You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
