i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
