that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
