btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
