Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize