I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
