I think I died a long time ago.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
