Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
