:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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