he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
