Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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