so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
