I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
