when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
