Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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