I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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