walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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