I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
