I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
