There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
