These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
