Why are handjobs necessary in class?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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