So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
