She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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