i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
