There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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