i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
