I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
