mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
