I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
COCAINE IS GR8
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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