She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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