Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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