i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
