I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
