What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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