Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
