chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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