maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
3 2 1 whiskey
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
