I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
