so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
two words...techno handjob
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
