guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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