While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
