I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
